Behind Every Great Man..

 The popular idiom, behind every great man is a great woman has been ringing in my ears and has led me to reflect..

Alhamdulillah, I’m an asian mother to 5 daughters. Yes, I have no sons. 

When daughter number one was born 25 years ago, ‘Never mind, don’t worry,’ my extended family relatives said from far and wide when the birth was announced, ‘Maybe Allah SWT will give you a son next time’. 

Thankfully, my husband and I were delighted with her arrival. And so in celebration we deliberately distributed ladoo (an asian sweet delicacy), which back in the days was traditionally distributed especially only if you had had a baby boy.  Just like it used to be blue for boys and pink for girls, so it was ladoo for boys and ghulab jamans for girls. 

The care free remarks, ‘Better luck next time,’ or ‘When are you going to give her a brother’ that were dropped here and there did not affect us at all or in hindsight, subconsciously,  maybe they did..

Six years later, due with my second child, I deliberately found out the baby’s gender before her birth, as I did not want to give birth and then personally have that horrible split second inner feeling of, ‘Oh, it’s a girl!’  

Just as expected, my husband and I received her with joy, but soon after came those unthoughtful typical  remarks.. ‘Oh dear’, they said, ‘She tried after so long and still no boy!’  

The more of the same came my way when my number three and four had entered the world. I’m not sure of any remarks made at the birth of number five as sadly she left this world soon after her aqiqah. 

Moving forward through the years, believe it or not, somewhere, someone, will always say something to you about not having a boy. No matter how old you become, and they think it’s okay! 

A few months back I happily shared the news of my daughters three sons to a, at the time much-liked, aunt, and her response was, ‘So what the mother couldn’t do, the daughter has done for her’. Excuse me? I thought. She had decided that my daughter had the son’s that I could never have. 

And those words got to me, they really did. Never in my life had any remark concerning my baby girls hurt me as much as this one did, I think it may have been to do with the timing. 

As far as I was concerned I had had my beautiful children, and was now living my precious life and all of a sudden when you are minding your own business, someone throws an unexpected remark your way that hits you for six. 

And so most of today I’ve been feeling slightly down, dwindling in and out of deep thought thinking, if behind every great man there’s a woman, then where is my chance to make a man great? I don’t have a son. Yes I have grandsons, but they as well as my husband are not 100 percent mine as a son would be. 

I then had a bizarre thought, that perhaps I could take a little credit for any of the boys that join my teaching class, and whom I have guided in some way. If they were to go ahead and become successful, I could half-tick that greatness box :)

The other day, another relative started taking pity on me that my husband will have no one to carry his name, ‘Obviously right?,’ they said, ‘No son!’  

Despite this all, what keeps me sane, and what I’m forever grateful for is my faith, it always brings me back 100%, Alhamdulillah. 

When the devil plays with my thoughts like today, I stop to reflect and ponder and one thing that brings me back to sanity and makes me strong again is knowing that on the day of judgement, when we are brought before each and every Angel as we travel up towards Allah SWT, the angels will ask, ‘Who is this person?’ and the reply will be he/she is so and so the son/daughter of...and the fathers name will be mentioned. The fathers name. 

My husband may not have anyone to carry his name in this world, but in the akhirah where it matters the most, each and everyone of my children will have his name, Allah Akbar. 

And finally, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever takes care of two girls until they reach puberty, he and I will come like this on the Day of Resurrection” – and he held his two fingers together. Narrated by Muslim (2631).

Alhamdulillah Allah (SWT) has blessed us with not two but five daughters Subhan’Allah. 

And so behind these great parents, are five great righteous daughters. 

We got this! ☺️☺️☺️